Award Season
January 18th 2007 00:07
OK I know this isn't terribly spiritual but I wrote this for my local paper and wanted to share it....
Movie award ceremony season is upon us again. I imagine in a parallel universe this means that some seasoned critics and experts gather within their respected fields to honor people who have excelled with their skills. Below the surface this is also what happens in our universe but it is a mere excuse for what is heaped over the top.
You see in order for some awards to be given out they have to roll out a piece of carpet that is a specific color. The people nominated for these awards then have to walk along this in order to get into the ceremony. This is where things really get “interesting”. This process is so important that the people who walk along it get dressed up. Really dressed up. I mean some of these dresses are one of a kind, and thankfully so.
The women don’t just spend all day getting ready for this walk. Many will spend weeks in tanning parlours and gyms as well as at plastic surgeons getting diseases injected into their wrinkles to make sure they look just right for this special walk. As well as the time spent on their bodies they will get their assistants and managers to sort through offers from designers to please wear their gowns along that magic carpet.
You know you are special when the “big” designers call you or do you take a risk with a new designer and give them their big break. So many decisions! But don’t stress you have your stylist on hand who has been researching trends and fashion commentaries so you will be declared “classy” or “stylish”. The stylist knows if you get declared a “disaster” or end up on the “what were they thinking page” they will have to change their name and move to another industry.
Don’t forget the jewellery! If you are anything below B-list status a great way to get some extra attention is to borrow a whole heap of over the top stuff that is worth a gazillion. Then get some security guards to walk with you making it just that more dramatic and attention worthy. They don’t need to be real security. Just some out of work actors desperate for that walk will do. Don’t feel bad that the cost of those sparkly things could feed a small third world country for a year. Your plans to adopt from one soon will balance it all.
So you are all dressed up and finally there. You step onto that carpet and thousands of cameras flash and pop. People yell your name in the weird hope you will look in their direction. A line of journalists asks you what you are wearing. Some may even ask what movie you are working on now. It’s all about attention and you have to get it while you can.
This walk can make you a star. Not just an actor anymore. Celebrity means more money for you and whatever studio takes a punt on you. Celebrity drives up your salary, which drives up movie costs, which drives up distribution costs, which drives up ticket prices and gets you to pay $3.50 for a bottle of water.
Movie award ceremony season is upon us again. I imagine in a parallel universe this means that some seasoned critics and experts gather within their respected fields to honor people who have excelled with their skills. Below the surface this is also what happens in our universe but it is a mere excuse for what is heaped over the top.
You see in order for some awards to be given out they have to roll out a piece of carpet that is a specific color. The people nominated for these awards then have to walk along this in order to get into the ceremony. This is where things really get “interesting”. This process is so important that the people who walk along it get dressed up. Really dressed up. I mean some of these dresses are one of a kind, and thankfully so.
The women don’t just spend all day getting ready for this walk. Many will spend weeks in tanning parlours and gyms as well as at plastic surgeons getting diseases injected into their wrinkles to make sure they look just right for this special walk. As well as the time spent on their bodies they will get their assistants and managers to sort through offers from designers to please wear their gowns along that magic carpet.
You know you are special when the “big” designers call you or do you take a risk with a new designer and give them their big break. So many decisions! But don’t stress you have your stylist on hand who has been researching trends and fashion commentaries so you will be declared “classy” or “stylish”. The stylist knows if you get declared a “disaster” or end up on the “what were they thinking page” they will have to change their name and move to another industry.
Don’t forget the jewellery! If you are anything below B-list status a great way to get some extra attention is to borrow a whole heap of over the top stuff that is worth a gazillion. Then get some security guards to walk with you making it just that more dramatic and attention worthy. They don’t need to be real security. Just some out of work actors desperate for that walk will do. Don’t feel bad that the cost of those sparkly things could feed a small third world country for a year. Your plans to adopt from one soon will balance it all.
So you are all dressed up and finally there. You step onto that carpet and thousands of cameras flash and pop. People yell your name in the weird hope you will look in their direction. A line of journalists asks you what you are wearing. Some may even ask what movie you are working on now. It’s all about attention and you have to get it while you can.
This walk can make you a star. Not just an actor anymore. Celebrity means more money for you and whatever studio takes a punt on you. Celebrity drives up your salary, which drives up movie costs, which drives up distribution costs, which drives up ticket prices and gets you to pay $3.50 for a bottle of water.
| 70 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
