Healing The Past and Letting Go of Stories.
June 19th 2008 12:13
On the property where I live we have an old cottage that my family lived in til I was 12, at that time we moved into a "modern" brick home on the same property. The old cottage has had a family friend living in it but he has now gone to a nursing home. The cottage is in utter disrepair and on top of this the lovely old guy was one of those people who kept everything! So we have a pretty massive job cleaning up around it and preparing to demolish it.
Now unfortunately my family's time in this house was not pleasant. This time was when my belated father's drinking was the worst so this cottage was actually the scene of some pretty intense abuse. In fact the thought of re-entering it was almost making me nauseous.
Last Friday and then Saturday my Mum and I started to clean up the backyard of the cottage. As we were working I was talking to my Mum about retrieving the few pieces of furniture we had left in there. She said, "Its just furniture, I want to let them go." When I said I was feeling weird about walking in there again she said,"Its not that house anymore." So simple but so true.
Suddenly I was able to see that it was just a house. I could let go of the stories I had associated with it. But part of me was still surprised that over twenty years later that little girl who hid in cupboards when her father was on his drunken rampages could still make herself known.
I do not resist this part for no matter how painful those times were they are still part of my journey. But that little girl is not who I am today. I no longer feel "damaged" or "less special" than other people.
For many people a huge part of spiritual development is the letting go of their "story". These are the stories of our lives which many people believe define them and some even believe that pre-destine their lives. When we let go of our stories we let of expectations and limits that we set upon ourselves. When we let go our stories we can step into the moment without anchors to the past. We are free to move on and be anything.
So even though I have been working on letting go of my story...and quite proud that I had done a pretty good job so far,,,,I have now let go of another level that I didn't even know existed.
Mum and I are planning on creating a garden on the site when it is finally cleared! I think that will really be the final healing.
Now unfortunately my family's time in this house was not pleasant. This time was when my belated father's drinking was the worst so this cottage was actually the scene of some pretty intense abuse. In fact the thought of re-entering it was almost making me nauseous.
Last Friday and then Saturday my Mum and I started to clean up the backyard of the cottage. As we were working I was talking to my Mum about retrieving the few pieces of furniture we had left in there. She said, "Its just furniture, I want to let them go." When I said I was feeling weird about walking in there again she said,"Its not that house anymore." So simple but so true.
Suddenly I was able to see that it was just a house. I could let go of the stories I had associated with it. But part of me was still surprised that over twenty years later that little girl who hid in cupboards when her father was on his drunken rampages could still make herself known.
I do not resist this part for no matter how painful those times were they are still part of my journey. But that little girl is not who I am today. I no longer feel "damaged" or "less special" than other people.
For many people a huge part of spiritual development is the letting go of their "story". These are the stories of our lives which many people believe define them and some even believe that pre-destine their lives. When we let go of our stories we let of expectations and limits that we set upon ourselves. When we let go our stories we can step into the moment without anchors to the past. We are free to move on and be anything.
So even though I have been working on letting go of my story...and quite proud that I had done a pretty good job so far,,,,I have now let go of another level that I didn't even know existed.
Mum and I are planning on creating a garden on the site when it is finally cleared! I think that will really be the final healing.
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